THE
PROBLEM WITH PUNISHMENTS AND REWARDS
PUNISHMENT
- Punishment can be inconsistent, delayed or too mild; Not a
deterrent.
- Severe punishment is abusive
- The controller must always be present to carry it out.
- Punishment can foster aggression and retaliation.
- Adults eventually run out of punishments. Especially as children enter teens.
Two conditions needed for punishments to
work:
- Punishments must be strong enough to be painful.
- Child must not be able to easily escape.
REWARD
- Rewards can lose their value.
May be too far away in time or not big enough incentive.
- Unacceptable behaviour can get rewarded. Eg: class clowns.
- Children can acquire their own rewards. Reward must be desired and
unobtainable.
- Rewards can be too hard to earn. Eg: bell curve grading.
- Acceptable behaviour can go unrewarded. Controller must always be present to
acknowledge it.
- Children might start to work only for the reward. Always an expectation of praise or
payment.
- A missed or forgotten reward feels like punishment. Children accustomed to praise worry
when they don’t get it.
Two conditions needed for rewards to work:
- Child must need it strongly.
- Child is incapable of meeting the need themselves.
Teaching Children Self Discipline, By Dr. Thomas Gordon
BENEFITS TO CHILDREN OF USING NO PUNISHMENTS
- Less anger and hostility and frustration from “always losing”. Anger can be turned
inward or outward.
- Freedom from fear. Punished children can become cowed,
nervous, vigilant.
- Less stress, less illness. Pain, humiliation, fear, anxiety, and
tension of punishment, as well as mixed feelings of parent love and hatred
causes stress in children. Stress
can cause illness.
- More responsibility, more fate
control.
Freedom and responsibility gives children control over their
future. Inner control promotes
acceptance of responsibility.
Outer control shuns responsibility.
- Less deprivation and humiliation. Deprivation of needs can increase
desperation of getting needs met in unacceptable ways.
- Fewer self-harming behaviours. Smoking, drugs, alcohol, and sexual
activity are common reactions to fear, stress and anger.
- Better social skills. Children behave assertively, not
aggressively when treated in a fair, democratic manner. Children who practice and experience
true problem solving relate better to adults and peers.
NON-CONTROLLING
METHODS TO GET CHILDREN TO CHANGE
- Active Listen. Find out
what the child needs or what the child is feeling. Needs and feelings drive behaviour.
- Trade unacceptable for acceptable.
- Modify the environment or modify yourself.
- Use confrontive and preventative I-Messages.
- Shift gears to reduce resistance. IM-AL-IM-AL
- Problem solve
- When angry, find out the primary feeling.
- Have a consistent routine for young children.
Teaching Children Self Discipline, By Dr. Thomas Gordon